Most of the time

October 13th, 2011

Most of the time, I feel like giving up. Most of the time, the rejection email makes me want to stop submitting. Most of the time, the latest blindingly good book of poetry I’ve been reading makes me want to stop writing. Most of the time, I feel like it’s too late, that I missed my chance, made all the wrong decisions in my 20s, will never write the kind of poetry I want to write. Most of the time, I can’t see the way forward. I recognize good poetry when I see it, but I don’t know how to get there from here. I don’t know if I can get there from here, or if I’ve already reached the far limit of my modest ability. Most of the time, I am consumed by ifs: if I had followed through in college, when more than one teacher thought I had talent; if I had taken chances when I had them; if I hadn’t opted for the practical path; if I had been braver. Most of the time, I think about the classes I could take if we lived in the US. Most of the time, I know I need teachers if I’m to have a hope of getting any better and most of the time I think I could get better. Most of the time, it kills me that this is not really possible. Most of the time, I do not have enough time to work. Most of the time, I do not work well enough, the work is not good enough nor is there enough of it in terms of sheer output. Most of the time I am wracking my brains trying to figure out how to claw more minutes out of the day. Most of the time, I read some new poet’s first book and despair. Most of the time, I wonder why I bother. Most of the time, I feel like giving up.


5 Responses to “Most of the time”

  1. kristen Spina on October 15, 2011 2:11 am

    I get this. I do. But don’t give up. It’s hard sometimes to hold on to our dreams, but those dreams are what sustain us. xxk

  2. Trish on October 15, 2011 5:23 am

    I won’t give up if you won’t give up.

  3. Claudia on October 15, 2011 8:41 pm

    I offer you this:
    http://www.dailywritingtips.com/150-foreign-expressions-to-inspire-you/

    and especially numbers 56, 72 and 106.

  4. Elizabeth on October 17, 2011 2:12 pm

    I feel the same way about my own writing too, most of the time.

  5. Jennifer on October 20, 2011 8:47 pm

    Thanks, guys, I’m hanging in there. Claudia, thanks for the link.

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