Happy birthday, Boychen

November 19th, 2010

I’ve been sitting here for nearly an hour trying to figure out how to write about Boychen’s third birthday. I start and stop and delete and copy and paste and start again. I want it to be beautiful, the way he is, and I want it to be perfect, the way I think he is, and I want to capture that intangible shiny thing about him, the thing that makes me think of shiny new pennies or dew-drops sparkling in the morning sun or hoar-frost on the trees. My shiny boy.

It astounds me nearly every day how simply happy he is, the way a puppy jumping into a pond after a stick is happy. From my perspective, there was so much sadness in the first nine months – twelve? – of his life, my post-partum depression months, all those days of his that I feel like I missed. So many clouds for so long. And yet this shiny boy.

Who can make a game out of anything.

Who is always doing something.

Always smiling.

This beautiful boy who started his life near sadness just pushed all of that aside and turned out so bright and shiny. It astounds me, sometimes, even today, his happiness. Maybe he is not so special, maybe other people don’t see the shimmer that I see, maybe I only see it because I know, I know, how much of my sadness surrounded him and it seems so exceptional to me that none of it stuck.

How grateful I am for that, how deeply, deeply grateful. How relieved I am, nearly every day, that I did not break him. I missed a lot of his babyhood, but I didn’t break him and he is a happy child and he is three today and he is growing up so fast it makes me weep.

Not the Boychen though, no weeping for him. He can’t wait. For everything, for all of it, he can’t wait. It’s all such a joyous adventure, a great and wonderful thing. What’s not to smile about?


2 Responses to “Happy birthday, Boychen”

  1. CoryQ (funkomatic on tiwtter) on November 19, 2010 5:09 pm

    This is just a wonderful post. Children have a resiliance all their own. We think of them (rightly) as from us but they are not us. We know their happiness and sadness. We know almost all there is to know about them because we, as parents, have been paying close attention from the very start. They have yet (especially at 3) to discover that parents are real, seperate people who existed and had complete lives before they came around. He is too young to hide things in the complex fashion that humans all do yet. Adults wrap their joy up with other things, like ‘work stress’ and the shine is then dulled. Boychen is still transparent in his joy.

    Again, this is simply a wonderful post. I am glad you are through your depression (it runs in my family) and that you can share this joy not only with kiddo, but with all of us.

  2. kristen spina on November 19, 2010 7:02 pm

    What a beautiful post. Happy birthday to your dear boy!

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